Man! I Feel Like an Animal

You can divide people into two categories -- those who think that humans were created by God as special beings with a soul, entrusted to have dominion over the animal kingdom, and those who think we're simply a more evolved (and more destructive and cruel and wasteful) member of that animal kingdom.

The latter group is having a field day this month at the London Zoo, with a unique exhibit called "The Human Zoo." Starting today and ending Monday, eight humans are on exhibit at the zoo, clothed in nothing more than fig leaves to cover their naughty bits.

Here's how the website of the London Zoo describes the exhibit:

"The August Bank holiday welcomes an extra special exhibit to London Zoo as a flock of Homo sapiens gather on the world famous Bear Mountain. Presented to the public with only fig leaves to protect their modesty, the humans will become an important feature of zoo life as they are cared for by our experienced keepers and kept entertained through various forms of enrichment. The four day event aims to demonstrate the basic nature of man as an animal and examine the impact that Homo sapiens have on the rest of the animal kingdom." (emphasis added)

There it is, folks. According to the London Zoo, we're not really any different from the monkeys who sit in their cages all day picking fleas off themselves. We're simply animals just lucky to be far up the evolutionary chain.

News reporters have visited the zoo to interview the eight intrepid people who will be on public display over the weekend. Here's what some of them said in one news report:

"I actually think the fig leaves will be enough to cover us up, it's no worse than a swimming pool," said volunteer Simon Spiro, 19, from New Malden, south of the British capital. Spiro, selected from dozens of hopefuls in an Internet competition, said he was excited by the prospect of monkeying around on the zoo's Bear Mountain.

"I'm a veterinary student so the idea of working for a zoo was something that appealed to me. I thought it would be fun and interesting because I'm an outdoorsy kind of person," he said.

Brendan Carr, 25, from Aylesbury, southern England, wrote a poem in his bid to get on the mountain.

"I'm funky like a monkey and as cool as a cat, talk more than a parrot, up all night like a bat," it went. "I got a laugh like a hyena but get the hump like a camel, so cover me in fig leaves as I'm the ultimate mammal."

The ultimate mammal. That's all we are, folks, at least according to the London Zoo. Let's all buy some bananas so we can go feed the monkeys this weekend.