Thursday, April 13, 2006

Random Observations and Trivial Events

ORLANDOPHOBIA

While Mrs. Muley and I were getting ready for work this morning the Tony Orlando and Dawn song “Knock Three Times” came on the radio. If you remember, this is the song where Tony is in love with the woman who lives below him in an apartment complex. He instructs her to knock three times on her ceiling if she wants him (probably causing plaster dust to rain down in her eyes), or to knock “twice on the pipe” if she thinks he's a creepy stalker type and wants him to lay off. (I’m assuming “the pipe” here refers to a radiator and not a bong, but then again, it was the 1970s).

Mrs. Muley and I got to talking about how Tony apparently has a real hangup with having women tell him how they feel about him face-to-face. Remember his biggest hit, “Tie a Yellow Ribbon (‘Round the Old Oak Tree)”? Here, he was too chicken to face the woman he’d left behind when he went to prison for an undisclosed crime, in case she didn’t want his convict carcass around anymore. So, Tony came up with the yellow ribbon gimmick to save him any disappointment in person, leaving him to cry quietly like a proverbial schoolgirl in front of a busload of strangers if he was rebuffed. Or maybe he'd get mad and knock off another liquor store. Whatever.

Anyway, I’m surprised that Tony Orlando and Dawn never released a song later in their short career with a title like “Skywrite If I Am Right for You,” where Tony would require his love interest to hire a cropduster to compose a message in the sky if the girl he liked wanted to spend time with him.

Don't let my heart be lost
Let's see that plane exhaust
And skywrite if I am right for you


JUST IN TIME FOR EASTER

I was searching awhile back for a good “goofy” horror movie to watch sometime (because that's the kind of guy I am), and I think I might have found it. It’s a little flick from 1972 called “Night of the Lepus.” The tagline makes it sound oh so scary: “They were born that tragic moment when science made its great mistake... now from behind the shroud of night they come, a scuttling, shambling horde of creatures destroying all in their path.” Of course, the audience eventually learns that this bloodthirsty, scuttling horde is actually a horde of RABBITS (called “lepus” in Latin).

The plot description says a farmer was having trouble with rabbits eating his crops, so he hires some wacko scientist to help him get rid of them. The scientist, of course, injects the cute little bunnies with hormones and genetically altered blood, which goes bad, and the rabbits mutate into creatures the size of wolves who snack on cows, horses and…humans. Oh, the horror.

This movie sounds fun because it appears that they spent no more than $12.95 making it, even though they had to pay for the acting talents of past-their-prime stars such as Janet Leigh (shower girl from “Psycho”) and DeForrest Kelley (Bones from “Star Trek”). I wonder if there’s a character in the movie named Jim, so Kelley’s character could say the familiar “He’s dead, Jim” line as he views a body covered with bloody tufts of fur and the gnawed ends of carrots.

The top reason I want to see this, however, is a scene I just have to experience for myself. Some authority type supposedly runs to a drive-in movie theatre, shouts, “Ladies and gentlemen, attention! There is a herd of killer rabbits headed this way!,” and everyone automatically believes him and runs away screaming. Oh man, call Netflix and pass the popcorn.

Today's quote:

"You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing."

--Meryl Streep

9 comments:

Stephanie said...

That movie sounds like a real winner :) And also, weirdly, probably too scary for me. (I am such a chicken when it comes to anything remotely frightening!)

Nettie said...

I actually know who that dude is...maybe I was born too early...

skywriter said...

With Janet Leigh as "Gerry Bennett. Janet whose claim to fame, as we all know, is giving birth to an actress who would go on to make even worse films than this one -
anyone remember "Perfect"? Gerry is Roy's wife and fellow scientist. Being a Female Movie Scientist™, however, she'll head for the hills while the men folk do all the dirty work. Unfortunately, she'll still have to deal with a terror worse than a night in the Bates Motel: polyester bell-bottoms! (Oh yeah, and giant killer bunny rabbits.)

EmmaSometimes said...

those are peeps eyes, don't you know?


PS. I've infected you with the Indie Virus :o)

(it's one you want to catch..)

Paige said...

here by way of the Bees Knees. Me thinks she has a virus to share with you!

Muley said...

Stephanie: I have a feeling that you would probably be laughing so hard you'd forget to be scared, but maybe I'm wrong.

Nettie: If you've ever listened to "oldies" radio even once, you've probably heard "Tie a Yellow Ribbon." It doesn't mean you're old, just an inhabitant of the planet.

Linda: You seem to have an uncanny knowledge of this film, or is that your IMDB search abilities showing themselves? And I thought "Perfect" was the movie where all the guys were supposed to drool over Jamie Lee Curtis in her tights and legwarmers, not scientists wearing bell bottoms.

Emma: I always knew if I stuck around you too long I'd catch something, even if I washed faithfully. Thank goodness it's only a cyber virus. I appreciate the honor immensely, and as soon as I figure out what the heck I'm supposed to do now, I will try to make myself worthy.

Paige: Thanks for dropping by! Any friend of Emma's is a friend of mine, as long as they're not trying to sell me Amway.

Laura said...

Reading your movie reviews is as good as watching Mystery Science Theater!

HolyMama! said...

you know what REALLY bothered me about T.O and Dawn? How Dawn referred to two women, although it's clearly singular. i mean, WHY? unless i misunderstood that name, it just never made any sense to me. but what can you expect from someone with those unresolved rejection issues...?

Muley said...

Laura: that is the ultimate compliment of snarkiness and goofiness. You are too kind.

Holymama: I think the reason they named them Dawn was because the two women liked to bathe in a certain popular brand of dishwashing liquid before each show. It was an early example or product endorsement or something.