Sunday, June 04, 2006

Random Observations and Trivial Events

EVER FORGOTTEN AN ANNIVERSARY?

I guess it's a sign of how little time I've been able to devote to this blog in the last few months, but my one-year blogging anniversary came and went and I didn't even notice it. I knew it was sometime in May (May 10), but by the time I checked for the date in late May it was too late. And here I am waiting until early June to even mention it.

Like most people, I didn't have much idea of what I was getting into when I started blogging. I started hot and heavy, writing at least one post a day for the first two or three months, then slowly began to slack off. Around Christmas 2005 I abruptly quit altogether for awhile, then slowly got back into it on a "when time is available" basis, which is I guess where I still am.

Despite some frustrations, I'm glad I began blogging. I've met some of the nicest, funniest, smartest and most interesting people. I run into a few wackos along the way as well, but that happens just about anywhere these days.

WILL THE TWINKLE LIGHTS BE OUT NEXT WEEK?

It just gets earlier and earlier. I was at Wal-Mart this evening and notice that they are already selling calendars for 2007. Last year it seemed that the new calendars came out around Independence Day, but now they're not even waiting until the present year is half over.

MISFORTUNE COOKIES

We ate lunch at a Chinese restaurant today, and once again, all of the "fortunes" contained in the fortune cookies were lame as could be. They really aren't even fortunes, for one thing -- more like maxims or proverbs. "You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar," "When opportunity knocks, make sure you're listening," gems like that. They apparently don't have the guts anymore to say things like "You will meet a dark and handsome stranger," or "You will come into a lot of money soon." Besides seeing some honest-to-goodness positive predictions thrown in, I'd really like to see some dramatic "mis"-fortunes thrown in as well, such as:

"You will soon lose bladder control"

"An expensive part on your car will malfunction by the end of the month"

"The meat you just ate was not quite cooked thoroughly"

and

"Your spouse is having an affair. Check their cell phone records"

I WANT MINE VOICED BY THAT GUY WITH THE DEEP, SERIOUS VOICE

I got to thinking the other day how wonderful movie trailers are. They take a two-hour movie, and skillfully condense the parts of most interest, bad and good, tragic and humorous, into a fast-paced 90-second production. A skillful editor can take a terrible, boring movie, pick out the few good parts, and make a trailer that will convince you you want to see the thing.

Why can't everyone on the planet have their own trailer? This would take your life, including your character traits, hobbies, interests and quirks, and do a 90-second overview that would be available for viewing by anyone else on the planet. Anytime you met someone new -- in church, at school, on the dating scene -- you could simply view their trailer soon afterward and get the story of their life in a dramatic, exciting yet condensed form. Next time you met them, you'd be better prepared, see? Anyone interested?

13 comments:

Inkling said...

Have you seen those goofy trailers that they post on the internet where they make the movie seem completely different than it is? Like the one where they make Sleepless in Seattle into a horror flick a la Fatal Attraction? They are so very funny.

I for one am very glad you decided to keep on blogging.

Inkling said...

Here's the address: http://www.tomatopatch.com/films/sleepless.htm

Kristen said...

inkling--I've seen that. Hilarious. I need to show it to my husband.

Muley--I think the personal trailer is a great idea. We could all carry them on flash drives. Policemen could demand them with our ID and registration, just to make it all more humane.

Muley said...

Inkling: Thanks for the tip on the re-cut trailers. I wasted lots of time this afternoon looking at them, and they're a HOOT! Especially the one that turns "The Shining" into a warm family film

Kristen: I'll show you mine if you show me yours!

Of course, the only problem would be that really rotten people could get really great trailers done. I'm sure someone like serial killer Ted Bundy, who was very intelligent and also did things like volunteer at suicide hotlines, would have had a trailer that made him look like a harmless saint.

sarahgrace said...

I know what you mean about fortune cookies having bogus sayings on them these days. My favorite one was one my dad got shortly before my son (his first grandchild) was born, it read: "You will soon meet a small stranger."

I like the personal trailer idea too- in fact I think it would be a fun thing to actually do- take snippets of family films from over the years and make an actual trailer about yourself! (Way too much work, but fun!) Hee hee.

EmmaSometimes said...

EVER FORGOTTEN AN ANNIVERSARY?
shouldn't that read: Have you ever lived in a doghouse for a week...oh, wait. BLOGGER anniversary.

and 2007 Calendars? That would be the calendars next to the Christmas display, right?

hopefully, without sounding crude, Hubby and I always add 'in bed' to our fortune cookies (of course, not to be said aloud in front of the kiddies, but hilarious nonetheless)

JD said...

you crack me up.

skywriter said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who added the "in bed" to the fortune cookie saying.

If you're tired of all the cheery fotunes out there. try http://www.badcookie.com/ for such chipper predictions as "save now for a future calamity". (in bed????)

The Cachinnator said...

Yeah, I've had it with 'advice cookies' too. I've long suggested ones like yours that said things like:

"Hope you didn't eat the Mushu Pork"

"The itching and burning will subside in a week"

"The last person you touched didn't wash their hands"

"Join the witness protection program after you see what you'll see"

"Yes, she is evil incarnate"

Inkling said...

Reading the comments on here is getting to be as entertaining as reading the posts!!!

Jenn said...

Your posts are hilarious; you should be a comedy writer.

EmmaSometimes said...

Muley, where oh, where haveth you goneth to?

nettie said...

Happy late bogiversary dude!